I usually stress just how useless it is to expect the future. It’s especially important that I don’t anticipate it, as I find it distressing how little time I have now.
I don’t manage my time well. I work too hard at what I love, and although I manage work well, I will only give myself the time when it is something I want to do. There are projects, even when I was a child, where the only point was to get a grade, and that’s where my mind skips town.
For an example, in my social studies class, I had an assignment to pick ten cities out in the world that I would like to visit, and write something interesting about them, and present it to the class. I, without a means to travel, and no home computer, could not find a reason to do this assignment. I had not thought about other cities besides my hometown, and that felt sufficient, so why dream of elsewhere?
On that note, what is this career path of writing if I am always doing something for someone else’s agenda? Yes, if I’m editing someone’s story–and that seems to be something dire for them, so I don’t mind helping to ease their mind. But it is dire and important that my opinions are understood myself foremost. I will spend hours on your paper if you are lost. But if I’m writing about some interesting bug I saw in the parking lot, and had to regurgitate some interesting fact about it…
…alright, let’s put it this way… if the world was flat, I’d jump.
So, with all that said, I’m going to be a freelancer in 5 years. Or I may be teaching–I mean… its me five years in the future. I’ve changed dramatically in only one year before. If I am become anything else, my insides will blacken like burnt sugar, and cave in on themselves. I will be like a black hole sucking up all the light from anyone I can. I would be a horrid person to know. The children would cringe at my critiques of their papers.
I want to either fuel someone else’s creativity with my thoughts, or fuel my own alone. Either way, I’m constructing a healthier mind, and a healthier society.
Republished on the Whaleshares blockchain on 12/15/2018.
Anya Ehrim's Diary 